Divinely Feminine: What does that mean anyway?
This year I decided to not set New Year's resolutions and instead read Danielle LaPorte’s book The Desire Map. In this workbook/book you don’t set goals but decide ways that you want to feel. You manifest desired feelings and therefore reach your goals naturally. I worked through her book and came up with six key words regarding how I want to feel. I know six can often be too many but I had such a hard time narrowing it down! One of the things I really wanted to plug into was my femininity. The word I chose because I read in Danielle’s book and it made so much sense was “Divine Feminine”. So one of the ways I wanted to feel this year and work towards manifesting was divinely feminine.
The year started out with the feminist march in January and every post I saw or article I read, I would tear up. It was so moving to see so many women unite for one thing. I know as women we are strong, powerful, we give unconditionally, love unconditionally, and push ourselves to places that I never thought possible. But even though I know all this is true I still don't really know what it means to be feminine in a way that works with me.
I grew up mostly a tomboy; playing soccer, going on hikes and loving camping. I stopped ballet in second grade and my love for Barbies died about kindergarten. I'm not saying that these things are what make a woman. Today gender roles are much more open and parents provide their children with a multitude of “male and female” toys. But in the early 80s, when I grew up, you were more "girl" if you played with Barbies and went to ballet and more of a tomboy if you played sports. I also did not have a ton of female guidance. My parents divorced when I was 12 and I ended up living with my dad. He was thrown into the world of being a single father with no clue how to care for two pre-teen girls. My relationship with my mother was one of seeing her maybe once a month and phone calls every so often. She connected with us through camping and taking us to places like Zion and Bryce Canyon. This is where my love for camping grew. I am thankful for my mom for teaching me how to love the desert and learning that this is a place to let go and relax. However, that did not leave me with much guidance of a strong female role model.
In 2016 I started working with an Ayurvedic practitioner so that I could increase my health and work towards certain goals. Not only did she work with me on herbal formulas and daily routines, she asked me a lot of questions I could not answer. One of those questions was, “What does it mean to me to be a female to you? What do you like about it?” I couldn't easily and clearly answer those questions. Hence, the New Year's desired feeling to become divinely feminine in 2017. But in order and feel a certain way I believe one must understand what that means. Since the women's march in January I've been journaling and contemplating what does femininity mean to me? What does it mean to be divinely feminine?
In Chinese medicine there is a yin and a yang. Yin can be like compared to more feminine, where as yang can be more masculine. Yang is energizing, activating, and the motivating principle of life. Yin is cool, dark, slow, soft, stable, tranquil, and is the nurturing principal of life. Everything in life has a yin and yang including us. As women we often run in to heath issues when we do not have a balance between our yin and yang. In reading the book Balance Your Hormones Balance Your Life by Dr. Claudia Welch, she explains that women are revived by rest whereas men are revived through activity.
In my life I often find myself participating in strong yang activities. I am constantly pushing myself through Kalari, mountain biking, skiing, and developing my personal business. It was not until I started meditating that I was able to cool my body and my mind from the yang activities. Taking time daily to meditate and breath, I am able to rest not only my body but also my mind, and therefore affect my hormones for the better. This has also allowed me to be more comfortable feeling the softer, quieter yin energy.
But here is where I struggle: I totally understand the concepts of yin and yang. I understand the duality and the importance of the two dualities. I understand that there are times when I must be more of a yin energy and times that I must be more of a yang energy. But with yin being described as soft and slow and also feminine, to me that portrays females must be soft and slow. The women I know today are strong, independent, fierce, and have a capacity to push themselves like no man can. Not necessarily push themselves in a physical manner but push themselves when shit hits the fan kind of way. When stuff needs to get done, even if they are tired, it gets done. Same with when someone needs to be cared for and loved. I think that's why I was so moved by the women's march. It showed that as women we can unite and we can have a voice and we can be strong and we can be passionate. As a woman I don't like being describe as yin when it's referred to as soft, tranquil, slow, and dark. I think as women we are more powerful than we fully understand.
And now on to the divine: about a month ago at a woman's full moon dance facilitated by Sylvia Nibley I had a very powerful moment where I realized that it is in sitting that I can be my most powerful. Sitting quietly is what I do daily as I facilitate healing through craniosacral. Sitting quietly is what I do daily as I meditate and visualize my future. Sitting quietly is what I do when I tune in with my guides and inner wisdom. These are all very powerful moments. To me, this is where the divine comes in. It is in those times of silence that I realize how big this universe can be. I understand that there is a divine being or a supreme being and that we are all connected. Therefore to be at divine feminine means to be a woman who embraces the fact that there is a higher power or a higher consciousness, and to act in ways that brings about that higher consciousness. Therefore when listening to my higher consciousness I know that there are times where I must be softer and gentler. Not only is this important and how I treat people around me but in my own health.
So I guess the real question should not be: How do I be divinely feminine? But how do I come to terms with the fact that as women I can be soft and gentle yet powerful and strong all at the same time. How do I not take offense when women are described as slow, tranquil, and cool? As you can see I still have not figured out what it means to be divinely feminine. I know it's my own upbringing that makes me feel offended when women are compared to softness and coolness. I think stepping into feeling more divinely feminine means that I must come to terms that at times softness and coolness is an OK thing to be.
There's so much more I could say about this topic and so much more exploring that I need to do. I haven't even included things like gender roles, or beauty, or how our society places looks upon women, or how often women are judged and mistreated. How our anatomical body parts are used as slander and profanity, how we make less money. These are the things that I disagree with and make me sad. I have to remind myself of my women role models, great women-run organizations, great women educators, leaders, and gurus. I look to these women as soft AND strong, slow AND fast, tranquil AND powerful and try to feel that way to reach my desired goal of feeling divinely feminine.